9 year-old daughter and disturbing sexual behaviour

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  carla 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #2153

    BeeSDT123
    Participant

    I am an incredibly concerned divorced mother of 2 daughters, the eldest of which has been displaying disturbing behaviour.  She was caught masturbating once approximately 2 years ago at school and I was informed by her teacher, discussed it with her and didn’t worry too much (I had read that some children explore their bodies and it is not necessarily cause for concern).  Shortly after my divorce (December 2011) she started lying & stealing at school – I was called in by the school psychologist and her teacher and between the 3 of us established the sudden loss of presence and interest of my ex-husband (they were very close)  affected her incredibly badly and she was reaching out for attention & affection.   With a few changes in our routine to ensure Mommy, Daughter time, things stabilised and she stopped her previous ways.  But one of the other moms at school contacted me with the worrying news that not only had she bullied one of her class mates into a sexual act (she threatened to reveal the other child’s school crush if she did not participate), she had also said that she had had sex before and has a boyfriend that sucks her nipples at night.  I know for a fact she has not been abused or molested, so I confronted her.  My ex-husband and I had a very physically abusive marriage and he had a keen liking of pornography.  On more than one occasion I found his pornographic magazines carelessly lying around the house.  To cut a long story short, my daughter claims this is the source of her sexual “fascination”.  I explained to her that this is wrong and what she did was absolutely unacceptable.  What do I do now?  How do I ensure this doesn’t happen again?  I am at a loss for answers.

    #2159

    clx
    Participant

    given her behavior how can you be so sure she has not been molested. sounds like you want to blame her father and his porn for this and thus excludes molestation outright, when evidence suggest the opposite.

    regardless of  how it started , its impossible to stop, so id suggests managing it through talking with her as often and honestly about it as you can, being careful to rebuild her self esteem.

    #2161

    PlainJane
    Participant

    The best will be to get professional help for her, and I also think that you should consider that she might have been molested. It could have been any person close to her, and you would never have thought it possible.

    Talking to her and reassuring her that she is ok is also very important. your love and support will help her get through this, but I really think you should get a therapist to help.

    Good luck

     

    #2217

    carla
    Participant

    This behaviour points to an early sexual awareness. The child will not talk about it easily and once she has lied will stick to this lie until she has some breakthrough. Most mothers think they will know if their child has been molested but this is not necessarily so. Sexual molestation can take many forms and does not always include penetration where it is visible. Some men (or women, but generally men) get turned on by masturbating the child manually or orally. Or they may get the child to masturbate them. All these actions leave the child confused especially when asked about “molestation”. The questions are often directed towards penetration.
    I agree with the previous contributor, please get a REAL professional who is a expert on this type of behavior.

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