Taken for Granted?

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Deckard 9 months ago.

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  • #2140

    DA
    Participant

    I feel like i am losing my mind, my husband and i have two small children under the age of three and i feel like i do everything, when they wake up in the morning, i get up at 5 on a Saturday, i feed them, change them, bath them, play with them etc.

    I have no social life, i hardly ever get the chance to go out and if i do i i have to hurry home to make sure the kids are fed/bathed or put to bed. yet my husband goes out regularly on the weekends, sometimes all day and night, while i am at home looking after our children!

    I have spoken to my husband several times about this and he see’s no issue, he went as far as to say that i am lucky he does anything at all, as most men dont.

    And then i lost it. I also work full time, i contribute equally to the house if not more. yet, i feel totally taken for granted.

    Can someone please tell me if im losing my mind? Because i cannot do this anymore! I also need adult time, i love my children with all my heart, but i cannot do this all alone! It feels as if my marriage is falling apart and i am doing what i can to save it, but my husband is either not interested or doesnt care!

    #2141

    ed2000
    Participant

    Hi DA,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. I am married and help my wife all the time just because I enjoy being with her and gives us more time together if the chores are done. Suggest you find a new husband the one you have has no manners. Hope it goes better there.

    Cheers,

    Ed

    #2142

    wccame
    Participant

    Get someone to help, evn if it’s maybe just ones a week, to clean or iron. Not all husbands were raised to help around the house, so they won’t even offer even if they can see you not coping. Best thing would be to work on budget and include help, it will give you some space to breath, even if its only for a day or two…

    #2144

    marietjiedb
    Participant

    Hi, do you have boys or girls?

    My husband is the same, but now that my 2 boys is getting older and take part in sport, I have lots of me time now, because they want Daddie to help them with cricket and rugby (now I smile big time, he is getting it back by the dubbel), but I must say the first 4 years after my first borns birth I felt like a zombie and that I can’t take it any more.

    #2147

    still lost
    Participant

    Nope, you haven’t lost it. The reality is that your husband sees that you do all the work, and he probably think it’s your job to everything. Unfortunately, this will never change. I was in exactly the same position, except that the housewife did nothing, and I, the breadwinner had to do everything. It will continue like this until you walk out one day. Rather sooner than later. If I could turn back time, I would have divorced ten years earlier. All the begging, pleading and broken promises was such a waste of valuable time.

    #2154

    clx
    Participant

    i’m father of 2 (toddler and baby). i get up for them at night, i pack their lunch, fetch them from school, stay with them when mom goes out on a friday, takes them to the dr.  Mom helps with homework, takes them to school, but still complains how unappreciated she is, how she is always tired. sigh.

    Both parents can contribute. i suggest you make a list of all the things you need to do and tell him to pick 40% of the items on the list which he wants to take over from you. if he cant, pick them for him and then stop doing them. i suspect its more a confidence issue on his side than an unwillingness to help.

     

    alternatively, ‘reward’ him for helping out consistently

    #2155

    Deckard
    Participant

    I really feel for you DA. I’m not saying your husband should do what I do….but this is my daily schedule to assist my wife of 20 years.

    I work approx 12 hours a day -Mon to Fri. My wife is a stay at home wife (she was retrenched a few years ago). We have 2 boys. One a teenager and the other 12 yrs old.  I wake up at 5:15am. Feed dogs.  Go to work while wife takes kids to school.  Return at around 5 pm.  Assist with dishes after supper (wash…she dries). While working (I do another hour or so per day working) I assist kids with homework if necessary,  prepare dogs food for next day and assist with preparing lunch for kids and myself for next day.

    Weekend…assist with cleaning up and do about an hour or so work on Sat.  I also help around with other things if needed.

    I’m no saint I just believe that my wife should not be burdened with everything.

    I hope things get better at home for you. It can’t be easy doing it all alone.

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